My children have no first cousins. 2 brothers and a sister between my husband and I, but no likelihood of kids. Never say never but chances appear slim.
A family or not. For the lucky - their own choice. Some independent and strong, who wish not their world to stop. Or one day look around and feel they’ve grown too old - missed the boat. Some who simply crave it not at all.
And me. I mourn their missing babies more than they should know. Flesh and blood of our own. Hands I would hold and children I’d watch grow.
But I say not a word. Of baby skin or over-whelming love. Of summer limbs and winter bobble hats and gloves. Of tired smiles and hungry cries and gabbled early words. Cheeks and lips and baby fists and home from school with Mum.
A drop in the ocean to list the above.
And I’m not sure they quite see this love. Recognise instead the trying stuff. ‘Running you ragged and keeping you up?’
‘Yes. But my biggest love. For now and all the years to come. It’s bloody amazing being a Mum.’
I don’t say this - or not as such.
But I feel their non-existent loss. The path they’re happy not to walk.
Cousins for a girl and boy. A non-existent pride and joy... x
Today I'm linking up to 'Wednesday Words' which can be found every week over at Crazy With Twins
Wow, very powerful words! I have one nephew but I secretly crave more. I can fully identify with these feelings.
ReplyDeleteThankyou for linking up to Wednesday Words. xx
Thanks Emma - I hope it doesn't read as cheeky - it isn't meant to! It just strikes me as sad sometimes that I'll never be an auntie...
ReplyDeleteYour words resonate with the sadness you feel about this situation.I do feel for you, having cousins and being an auntie is very special. We have a new nephew and it is lovely to see my boys with him. Hope that maybe some day things change. x
ReplyDeleteThank you! You never know... My brother is only 40 but says he is too old! Saying that he'd need to find a girlfriend first. You never know... but I have a feeling pigs will fly first :)
ReplyDeleteI can identify this. We have 2 brothers and a sister between us too, and like you, I think it unlikely that any first cousins will come from any of them. It makes me sad my children will probably not get to be first cousins. I am thankful that they have a close relationship with our god-daughters though, and tell myself that is as good. x
ReplyDeleteThat is lovely to be close to your god-daughters. I think this is something we're sort of missing out on in Scotland. All of my friends from down south are god mothers but none of my Scottish friends are. Something that seems not so common here since my parents generation :(
DeleteFamilies are so important. My two children have four cousins on my partner's side. They adore spending time with them, and are very lucky. But, on my side, there is my sister's son, who is only 8 months and is being looked after by social services because of her scizophrenia. She's now expecting another baby. I would give so much to have an unproblematic set of relationships on my side of the family....at least there's my partner's family, though.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds so difficult Nell - to have your newphew in the care of social services, and another little one on the way. The other 4 cousins sound like loads of fun. When we were kids we loved visiting cousins and I have loads of happy memories of that. Hope things work out for your sister x
DeleteLovely post (again). I'm in kind of the opposite situation - Little A is probably going to be an only and fortunately she has quite a few little cousins - my husband comes from quite a large family. I guess this will help compensate for being an only! :o).
ReplyDeleteShe will have loads of fun with her cousins, and hopefully they will always be around at Christmas and birthdays. Its at Christmas I'm particularly aware of it, as the rest of the time you see your friends kids. Plus they get spoiled rotten from the grandparents are they are the only ones x
DeleteI can resonate with this to an extent. My son has several cousins on my husband's side but we don't have any contact with his family and never will have. I can't say he won't ever have cousins on my side, am sure it will happen eventually but certainly not for a long time.
ReplyDeleteFamilies can be so difficult. I am not close to my brother at all and always hoped that when I had children that relationship would improve. It didn't. Perhaps largely to do with the fact he still behaves like a child himself. I hope you get those cousins on your own side x
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